Gaudy Night explores the same gender issues over and over again. It’s clear that the 1930s Oxford question of whether women can “have it all” is still being asked in 2014 Alabama. I’m a wife, a mother, a teacher, and a student, and I can give an absolute answer to the question of whether a woman can have it all – A woman cannot have all she wants of everything; however, she can have a little bit of all of it. I sympathize with Harriet and her struggles with what she wants. I read Kate Chopin’s The Awakening as an undergraduate student, and it changed my life. I had never thought about the concept of a “mother-woman,” but that’s exactly what I had been raised to be. I watch my grandmother fry chicken all day, and then, wait unit everyone else had eaten before she prepared her plate. That meant that she worked all day and settled for whatever her family didn’t want. I knew after reading that novel that I didn’t want to be that person. I didn’t want to sell who I was for the traditional role of the “mother-woman.” Harriet is struggling with the idea of giving herself up to the role of a “wife-woman.” Will she lose herself if she marries Lord Peter? Will the gains be enough to offset the loss of her independence?
The good news for Harriet is that Lord Peter doesn’t want to take her independence. He makes that very clear during their boat trip. Harriet says, “Peter, it’s a shame. Let me introduce you to some nice little woman who adores being protected.” His response is very clear when he tells her:
“I should be wasted on her. Besides, she would always be deceiving me, in the kindest manner, for my own good; and that I could not stand. I object to being tactfully managed by somebody who ought to be my equal. If I want tactful dependents, I can hire them. And fire them if they get too tactful.”
Fortunately for Harriet, it sounds like she would have a partner and helpmeet rather than the traditional definition of a husband. Maybe Lord Peter has “lived enough” to be enlightened. That’s my guess. From the sound of things, he’s looking for some calm in the storm, not to be captain of another ship. I have high hopes for them. As for me, I’m incredibly fortunate in my husband. He is my partner in all things and my biggest cheerleader for “my things.” My wish for Harriet is for her to see Lord Peter in that way.
As for the question of whether she “can have it all”… Even though Miss Hillyard’s contempt for the domestic life is off-putting, there is some truth to her absolute compartmentalization of life. Women cannot have all of everything. There are sacrifices to each aspect of our lives. I think the trick is to find the balance. What are we willing to give from one area to gain in another? The answer is different for every women. I don’t make cupcakes for my boys’ classes, but I am improving myself so that they will ultimately benefit from my education. That’s my balance.